Mother's Day

2 years ago this Mother's Day, I sat in a huge leather chair and told my then six year old her father had passed away. As I sat rocking her crying little body, I was sad for her, pissed, and worried about how this was going to effect her life. Last week was the actual anniversary of Gary's death and I watched my now eight year old, walk confidently into an office and sit before a television producer, of an up and coming television show, and charm the pants off of her. This producer already had a preconceived notion of who Harmonie was because apparently, everyone that had previously met with her raved about her. Harmonie sat directly in front of this producer and behaved like a professional with a touch of eight year old flare. She spoke clearly and respectfully. There is no way you could tell that she really was nervous as hell. I'm so proud of my little dynamo. She has come so far since that faithful Sunday morning two years ago. She misses her papa a lot but she carries herself in a way that would make him so very proud. She has not allowed what her grandparents did or her father's death define her. I will proudly pat myself on the back for the hard work I have done, along with her therapist to teach her how to be this way. I know longer worry about how the death of her father will effect my favorite tiny human. I think that it has made her stronger and more resilient. She is amazing.

I told this story on Facebook last week. Here is the key note to all of this. Life happens. You win some and you lose some. We have good days and bad days. No matter what we have to be thankful and teach our kids to do the same. We have to demonstrate to our children how to live through these situations. This Mother's Day we did not go out. We did not have enough gas in the car to get very far. It happens. So we stayed home. I had a paper do and we had an appointment with Verizon to hook up our television's service so we would have a better TV experience. I had planned on baking with the kid but my paper and cleaning the house took all day. No worries! There is always tomorrow. I was given a card that was really funny and two scented candles. I heard that my daughter and my niece battled on which candle to get. My niece chose blue because it is my favorite color and my baby girl chose another candle because it smelled good and she thought I would like it more. The kid won out. She knows her mother well. She was pretty proud of that. Overall, it was a great Mother's Day for the time that we were given to live in this year. Next year we will do something better.

We must always take acceptance and joy in the time we are given and use it to our advantage. We may have spent this Sunday like any other Sunday, though it was a special day, but we did it with thankfulness. We have some a long way since that Mother's Day two years ago. We are both happy and full of spirit. We live on. We live through our freedom and appreciate every second of it. We try not to waste any moment. We are still working towards our greatness and enjoying every moment of the journey to get there.

Happy Belated Mother's Day!

Negative Much?

Just because you speak on something that is happening, does not mean you are dwelling. Just because you acknowledge a situation does not mean you are negative. I have been pounded lately with the label of "Negative". Keeping your head in the sand does not make you a positive person. It makes you delusional.

I have spent the past two years studying and learning about the positive mindset. I have learned all about the power of persuasion. I've studied the law of attraction. I have worked hard to live by the principles of all of these things. I believe I do a pretty good job at walking the walk. I admit that I am a flawed human being and fall off the wagon from time to time but I always bounce back and get back on the wagon. This is a process that does not happen over night when you were not talk these concepts as a child.

Life has not always been good to me and those scars all deeply embedded but I continue to fight against them, until the day comes that I have conquered them. I will conquer them. Here is the thing to remember: Life happens to everyone. Pretending that it doesn't is just plain stupid. As humans we need to acknowledge what happens and deal with it. When you throw a happy face on it you just mask it. Sooner or later it will come back to haunt you. Trust me I know. What you want to do is acknowledge your life issues and then choose to take the position that it will be handled. That is how you stay positive and live a positive lifestyle. Do not put your head in the sand and pretend that the bank isn't going to foreclose on your house. Acknowledge that you have been warned and then dig your heels deep in the faith that God, the universe, whatever you believe in is going to give you a God size prayer to get you out of your circumstances. God can do for us in an instant what would take us years to accomplish. Trust in him and his ability to get you out of your situation. Now this does not mean, sit back and say, "God take it away", and then go sit on your couch and do nothing to assist in the process. What it means is, believe truly deep down in your soul that your problems will be solved in an instant, and in a huge. Believe that it will happen in a way you did not plan, and continue to make every effort to follow God's path to get you out of your situation. Sitting on the couch could prevent you from meeting the person God had set in your path to get you out of your situation. So be proactive. While you are doing this, wake up every morning and thank The Lord for taking your problems away. Thank him for giving you the new house or the new car. Thank him for the love of your life that he picked for you and is currently sending to you. Always stay in a place of thankfulness.

If you have never been taught to quiet the negative noise that is screaming in your head and trust in your faith, keep working at it. It will get easier. Every time your head says something negative, tell your mind to stop and change the negative talk to positive talk. Your mind says, "I will never make enough money to live in that house." Tell your head to stop it and say instead, "God is shifting things around so I can live in that house. I can't wait to move in." Perception is key. Just because things bad are happening doesn't mean they will stay that way. You have to be able to acknowledge what is starring you in the face and believe in your heart and soul that it is just a detour from the fabulous blessings that are headed your way.

What do you tell yourself to keep from falling int he negative rabbit hole that we are all capable of falling into?

Time to Clean House

There comes a point in your life where you have to look at the people in your inner circle and take inventory. Who are these people that you have welcomed into your world? What are these people all about? Do they share your passion, your views, your sense of humor? What are they here for?

We let people in our lives and allow them to set up shop, but should these people be here? We need to be careful who we let in our inner circle. We need to make sure that the people that our in our lives taking up space are productive in our lives. What do they contribute? Do they contribute anything?

Are the people in our lives negative or positive? Do they value what we value? Do they lift you up or tear you down? If you have people in your life that accept your humanity, then those people need to be honored and kept close. If you have people who do not encourage you to follow your dreams and accomplish your goals despite their view of them, they need to be asked politely to leave.

The type of people in our lives determine what our lives look like. If you are surrounded by negative people, your life will be filled with negativity. However, if you are surrounded by positive, supportive and encouraging people, your life will resemble that. We all need to live more happy and uplifting lives. The people we are around are important to us. We need to be more conscious about who we allow in our inner circle. Love the negative people from a far but do not let them enter your world. This will only bring you down and keep you from growing. Life scissors are important tools to have in our lives. You can not live a happy and healthy life being surrounded by people who do not lift you up and help you to be the best you, you can be.

Politely dismiss them and wish them God's blessings!

Have you taken inventory of your people yet?

My Greatest Aha to Date

I spent a lot of time working on myself. I'm 42 years old. When you turn 40, something changes in your being that makes you look at yourself and life and make changes. At 40, I found myself watching the man I love losing his freedom to his parents, by his choice. I saw myself losing everything I was use to and the man I loved. I also found myself going into homelessness with my five year old. Who and what I was and where my life was headed was not my plan and I had to come to terms with it and make some changes.

I was a very troubled child. I was molested at 6 and emotionally abused at home. I was bullied at school and in my neighborhood. I did not think anyone liked me and I thought my mother didn't love me. I had low self esteem. As an adult, I was strong and determined and well adjusted, I thought, but there were still some things that weren't right about me. I had trusted issues. I did not trust people very easily. Being loved by someone at times was unimaginable. But I have worked through most of this and am still working through it.

Tonight I was watching Oprah's Lifeclass with Bishop TD Jakes and this morning I was watching A New Earth with Oprah and Eckhart Tolle that struck a nerve. The shows brought up a phenomena that has pledged my life for years. I could be out in the world and people I've never met would pick fights with me for no reason. The question that only two really astute people in my life have ever asked is, "Why?" I have never had a reason for this problem. It has always baffled me why certain types of people do this. I've often wondered why bullies still make the attempt to bully me also, even though I no longer tolerate it. Well the answer came to me in both shows all in this one day.

You attract in your life what you feel about yourself inside. I have many emotional scars from my childhood that I am working through. I have realized in this past couple of weeks that my scars go much deeper than I could ever imagine. These scars have effected my relationships with certain people in my life. I strongly believe that I need to work through these scars and get rid of their effects if I ever plan to have a good healthy relationship with my daughter and the man I love. I can not expect my daughter to grow up to be a different child than I was if I do not model the type of child and adult I want her to be. I can not expect my relationship with the man I love to turn out the way I want it to, if I do not find a way to love myself as well as he loves me. If I can not fully receive his love how can I receive the type of relationship I want. You can not receive a great relationship if you are continuously looking over your shoulder waiting for it to end a tragic death. What you put out in the universe is what you will get. My imagination is so get, I put out a lot of stuff that is only real in my head out there, that comes back to bite me in the butt.

I believe that the way to personal growth is to dig deep and discover who you truly are inside. You have to learn to except yourself for who you really are not for who people have always told you you are. Kids use to tell me almost everyday that I was ugly. It took me years to erase that belief and except that I am really a beautiful woman on the outside not just the inside. I have to stop believing sub-consciously what every one has told me my entire life about myself and start believing the truth. It is amazing how difficult it is to believe the truth,
I have to say, but I have to work my hardest to try.

For all of those people out there that find negative patterns repeating in your life over and over again as if the universe hates you, take a look deep inside at what you truly think of you and change it. We all attract to ourselves what we believe about ourselves deep down inside. If you do not believe you deserve a healthy, loving relationship, you will always end up with crappy ones. Deep down inside me, I still am that bullied, unloved little girl who has had countless people abuse her, use her and leave her stranded and alone to fend for herself.

Part of enlightening growth and healing is being honest with yourself about what is going on deep down inside. I am taking a clear, honest look and making changes as I go along. I do this not alone, but with the knowledge that God is carrying me every step of the way.

What are your thoughts?