To Busy To Parent-Time to Step Up

It is funny how I can draw from a discussion in my MBA class to write a blog post. Our topic this week is about Memes. Memes are the advertisements we all see in social media like: Grumpy Cat. Grumpy Cat I must say is really funny. In the discussion we are all trying to determine whether or not there should be a moral component to memes and advertising in our society. As I did my assignment yesterday I brought up the idea that part of the problem is a parental problem.

How did parents get to be the blame you may ask. A good friend of mine the other day brought up the topic of Justin Beiber and 3rd grade girls being upset about him being arrested. It was of my opinion that they new about what happened and was upset about it because they had been allowed to watch certain TV and social media that in my opinion is not appropriate for their age. I remember my first celebrity crush was Christopher Reeve. I saw Superman at the age of 10. Girls in the 3rd grade are 8 and 9 years old.

My daughter was in the car with me when I heard about JB's arrest on the radio. She knows who he is. She has a fondness for him sort of. She has a headband with his face on it. Though she heard the announcement she didn't bat an eye. She could care less. I don't allow her to watch mainstream media or use social media at her age. I feel it's inappropriate. She has plenty of time to have crushes on crazy celebrities and decide for herself if they are good role models for her.

I think the problem is what we all have heard many times before: Parents want to be friends and not parents but I think it goes deeper than that. Parents are busy. I get it. I'm busy too. Parents are so busy trying to keep up with the Joneses in America that they stop taking the responsibility of raising their children. Does your child really need a $200 pair of sneakers or do they need to be taught the value of a dollar? Does your child really need to watch TV shows with kids older than they are with content that is not age appropriate or do they need there mom and dad to sit with them and have discussions on values and morals?

The youth of today behave in some outrages ways because no one is watching them. I remember the first time Oprah had a group of kids on her show. These kids were all talking about the sexual acts they were performing for each other at the age of ten like there was nothing wrong with it. I'm not going to sit here and say that when we were kids people weren't doing these things. That would be like saying, kids weren't doing drugs, drinking and smoking when I was a kid. Lies and vicious rumors. What I will say is, when we were kids what you were doing sexually was kept hush hush because there was a social taboo about certain things. There were many taboos when we were growing up. There are none now. In our society according to the youth of today there is a free for all. Anything and everything goes. There is no shame in their game.

I hear about the stupid things these kids are doing and I shriek. The cinnamon choking videos. OMG! Can you say dumb? I think it's time all of us parents step up to the plate and start guiding these kids in the right direction. Not everything our parents generation did was bad. Some of us spend so much time trying to not be our parents we've missed the point. I work hard at not being completely like my mother. We didn't have a great relationship, but not everything she did was wrong. I make sure the things I lacked from my mother Harmonie gets. I discipline but I try to give her an opportunity to make the right choice first. My mother just smacked you and kept it moving. I am far from perfect as a parent. I am learning new ways of doing things everyday. I am realizing how my flaws play out in our day to day life. I am constantly attempting to make adjustments. I am proactive. Parenting is a non-stop job. There is no manual. Damn it! Who's idea was that? We all have to figure this thing out ourselves. Or do we? We parents need to reach out to each other and help each other out through this journey. We all should tell the truth about how things really are so that we can help someone else. That is my mission.

Parents stop worrying about your kid liking you 24 hours a day. Stop trying to be their friend. Stop allowing them to do whatever they want. Start remembering that if you don't raise them society and the media will. These kids will not be with you forever. They will be sent out into the world eventually and then what? They won't be prepared to survive without you and it will be on you to take responsibility for that. Give your kids guidance. Teach them right from wrong. Feed them age appropriate information and allow them to grow up gradually. They grow up so fast as it is. Start today! Pay attention to what they are watching and doing. Explain to them that what they may have seen on TV or online may not be the best choices for them to make. There is no: "Don't try this at home" disclaimer anymore in the media. It is up to us now to teach our children that what they see is not to be copied if it isn't intelligent and safe. The media will continue to make reality stars that have no brains stars and they will continue to be role models unless we stand up and teach our kids to be confident in who they are and not try to be someone else. We need to teach our kids to stand tall and do the right things in life. Love themselves enough to not fall for pure pressure and only do what is right for them. If we don't step up as parents our children are doomed and so is our society. Remember these are the people that will be in charge when we are to old to take care of ourselves. What kind of society do you want to live in when you are in retirement? Just something to think about.

What values do you see that is lacking in our American society today? Do you agree or disagree that mainstream media and social media play a huge part in how the young generation behaves? Do you agree or disagree that there are no more social taboos that keep us all in line? Is morality an important thing to teach our children or not? Do you agree or disagree that parents today need to take a step back, re-evaluate what they are making important and re prioritize for the sake of their kids. Do you agree or disagree that parents today need to take responsibility for the way children behave today or is it someone Else's fault? I would love to hear your thoughts. 

Grandmother by Adoption - Wisdom of My Eight Year Old

Harmonie and I were in the car yesterday heading out to run some errands and the conversation of pregnancy came up. My friend Kari is pregnant. A picture of her promoted the conversation. Harmonie said something about babies in the belly and how they come out. I told her that babies grow in the belly and come out of the koodah snatch (our pet name for vagina). Now please understand that my smart eight year old is well aware that labor is painful.

I explained to her the mechanics of the process. I told her that the baby grew in your belly in a sack called your uterus and when its time for the baby to come it burst and then water comes out. That's when you see on TV women say, "My water just broke." That means the baby is coming. Then you go to the hospital and the doctor looks for the babies head and takes it out of your pee pee." Her interrupted response was, "And the rest of the body." Oh my heavens. Laughter ensued in the car. The conversations I have with this kid. I stop laughing and agree that yes the doctor takes out the rest of the body also.

Before I could get one more word out the question came, "Does the koodah get bigger?" In my head I'm thinking, "OK! Everyone keeps telling me to start having the talk with the kid. Well here we go. I guess I'm going in." I tell her that it does get bigger, big enough for the baby to come out. Then the punch line came in like a bomb. "I'm going to adopt," she said sternly. I began to laugh. "Why?" I asked. "Because babies coming out of the koodah snatch is painful! Adoption is easier and painless." Hahahahahahahaha I laugh more. This kid is hilarious. "Yes it does! Having babies is painful and adoption is not. Getting you was painless and easy for me and Papa.
You may change your mind when you are older." "No I won't! I'm going to adopt. Babies from your koodah snatch is painful."

There you go ladies and gentleman, according to my eight year old, I will be a grandmother only through adoption. There are worse ways to become a grandma. Bright side! If she continues this thought process, she won't become a mom until she is of the proper age.

What funny but honest conversations have you had with your children? Are you a open and honest parent that speaks on your child's level or a parent that says as little as possible? 

US Bank and Bad Customer Service

As a business owner I need to have business accounts. I suppose there are ways around this but I prefer to have accounts in my businesses names so that people can write checks to the business and not to me personally.

I have been a US Bank customer since before US Bank was a well known bank. I was originally a Downey Savings customer, I loved them, but US Bank bought them out and thus I became a US Bank customer.

My branch is the Los Alamitos Branch in California. I use to frequent the branch often. I liked the tellers and the manager was a peach. He was very kind and whenever I needed help with something he was always eager to help. I'm the type of customer that accepts her errors and takes the consequences without complaint but will fight for what's right when it is someone Else's error that affects her money.

Sadly, after many years of great customer service my favorite branch manager was transferred to a bigger and better job in the company. He is sorely missed. The new manager step into place and we all could not be more in jeopardy for it.

Over a year ago I signed up for a credit card service with the bank. The rep that I was working with explained a financial procedure incorrectly that put my account into an overdraft state. I spoke to the rep several times in the course of months to get the situation fixed and eventually the rep dropped the ball and my account was closed. Prior to the closing of the account I went into the branch to speak with my branch rep that opened the account to get her assistance. I showed the proof and correspondence with the original rep and any other proof I had that the error was not mine. My rep had an attitude of, "This is your fault. Our reps are perfect." She was no help and got frustrated with me because I would not drop the issue and just pay the crazy amount of money that the bank charged in overdraft fees. I refuse to pay for someone Else's mistakes. So she sent me to the manager.

Oh my, what a combative woman she was. This woman and my rep did blamed me, didn't believe me and all but said, "You are a liar sucks to be you. Pay up!" In phone conversations when I would not let her bully me into paying and disputed her claims that it was my fault by bringing forth the truth of the situation, she would hang up on me. After many months of going back and forth she finally gave in and reopened my account. I made an effort to not do business with this woman because she was so rude.

Just recently I walked into a branch to make a routine deposit. I never use this particular account expect to pay my taxes and another business subscription. Every month I deposit $50 into the account which usually leaves about a dollar leftover. I never use the account and there are no fees for the account so it is no big deal. As a teller looked at my account she informed me that I was overdrawn due to a $8.00 analysis fee. I inquired what it was and she said she never saw it before and had no idea. She told me I needed to go to my branch to have them figure it out. Ugh!

I called the branch and spoke to one of my tellers. I couldn't drive there with the car acting up. Besides, it's an $8.00 charge I didn't authorize, it really shouldn't be that difficult for them to figure out where it came from. It is a bank charge after all. I spoke with the girl and told her the situation. She agreed she didn't know what it was for and told me she would take care of it and call me back. A week went by and no call.

I called and spoke with another teller. I explained the situation and we had a little disagreement on why my account was overdrawn. I explained that, had the bank not put the $8.00 charge on my account, the account would be positive. Once I beat the light into his brain and common sense kicked in he realized I was right and couldn't figure out the charge and told me he would handle it, take care of the charges and call me back.

Another week went by no call. Grrrrrr! If I could drive down there I would and by this point would raise hell however, the car is not in great condition so I pick up my phone. Really, a phone call should be all it would take. WTH? I called back and low and behold I got the previous teller I spoke too. He remembered the conversation, told me he couldn't figure it out and transferred me to someone else. I spoke to a very nice gentleman that I had worked with once before. He too could not figure it out and told me he would take care of it and call me back so I could come in and close out the account.

Another week and no call. Now I'm getting pissed. The charges are piling up and they keep dropping the ball. It's to late to drive over so I call. I speak to the original teller that opened this account. She knows I don't take any mess when it comes to my accounts so I tell her the tale. She immediately transfers me to the manager, "Damn it". The manager gets on the phone and before I could say boo she is talking about a different account and begins to chastise me as if I were a child. She blamed me and told me I waited to long to address the problem. When I finally got a chance to speak I explained to her that I called in immediately when I found out about the charge. I should not have had to go to her because her employees all told me they would handle it and call me back, that is their jobs after all. If they could not figure it out it was their job and obligation to a long standing customer to go to the manager to figure out the situation and then get back to the customer before things got out of hand. She was not having any of that. She still blamed me and told me she didn't want to have the conversation, pay the $300+ dollars and then come close the account.

Well, if any of you know me I didn't stand for that. I continued to remind her that I would not pay for something I did not do and she needed to speak to her employees about why they didn't do their job. She got frustrated with me and told me to pay and hung up the phone. Yes, the manager of a big bank hung up the phone on a customer because the customer would not lay down and do what she wanted. I was not only pissed but appalled.

I picked up my phone and began calling the 800 number. Now if you don't know anything about how US Bank works, they don't work together. If you have a problem calling the 800 number does nothing. They will tell you to go to your branch. If you go to any branch other than your own and have a problem, they tell you to go to your branch. In the old days you could go to any branch of a bank and get a problem solved, but not with US Bank. Your branch that opened the account are the only people that can do anything.

I told the 800 number the situation and what just happened and asked to get someone that would be over this woman because I refuse to deal with her anymore. The small business people on the phone were gracious and apologized and were very helpful. They both told me they would report her and one of them told me he would speak with her and her district manager personally to handle her behavior because it was unacceptable. He gave me all the numbers to the departments I needed to speak too to fix the problem and bid me a happy good night.

I have since spoken to the departments and have found that the account is closed and I'm on the hook for the charges. I've been given another number to call and was told I needed to go to my branch to get this fixed. Really! I called the number given to me and found myself leaving a message. There was no return call so I called again. I spoke to a nice lady who informed me that they don't reverse charges in her department. She said they only took payments and gave settlements. She originally told me she had no idea what the charge was for and told me she had never seen it before. Funny how this keeps coming out of the mouths of every employee with this bank. When I asked her did that mean the only way to handle the situation and get it fixed was to go to my branch managers boss and have him fix it, she refused to confirm or deny if that was my only recourse. Really! Come on now how hard is it to say, "Yes Ma'am! This is your only recourse or just pay us the money and go away." This gets better and better. How do businesses with this kind of practice stay in business? Oh I remember, people never speak up anymore about how they have been treated by others. I'm not one of those people hence this blog post. Now I sit writing an email to the branch manager's boss. I'll send him a nice email asking him to take over and fix this issue. I will inform him about the inappropriate behavior of his employee and urge him to step up and fix their mistakes.

What happened to the customer is always right? What happened to common respect for someone that has given you business for years? What happened to simple common respect? I am always surprised at people in the business world that treat customers like liars, cheats and thieves just so they can make a couple more bucks, as if they are the only game in town. This situation is not over for me yet. I plan to have it handle no later than tomorrow and I will give you an update.

How do you feel about customer service practices today? Do you find that more and more you encounter rude and disrespectful customer service when you patronage a company? Tell me your tales of extreme bad customer service.

Intuition........Silence it!!

I have always listened to my intuition once I understood what it was. It's that little voice inside your head that tells you to do things or not do things when you are consciously unsure. Some say it's God's voice telling you what to do. A whisper from the man above.

When I was a kid learning to follow, I learned very quickly that if I listened and obeyed I dodged huge bullets. When I got older I became a pro because I learned that my instincts and intuition was never wrong. I use my instincts to guide me when I'm confused.

Life is filled with so many situations where you find yourself confused and not sure what it is you should be doing. Should I quit my job, leave my partner, let my kids go, get in that car or spend that money? I'm the type of person that doesn't believe in making rash decisions. I need to think things through before I make any decision because I am a person who's imagination runs wild. My head goes in places that most would not go.

When I was younger, if someone said, "We need to talk!"I immediately thought that it was something bad. Most of the time it was. I was well trained in expecting the negative. In dating when my boyfriends would not open up about how they felt about a situation, I would think they were trying to keep something from me. I now know men clam up like little fishes for a bask array of reasons, because of their own insecurities. Yes ladies it has nothing to do with us, unless you are that woman that likes to throw things in your mans face. If you are, he clams up because he doesn't want to hear your mouth later. When you are young your emotions run high and your imagination run wild. The only way I knew how to handle heavy situations where I was confused and conflicted was by listening and following my instincts.

I believe that part of the problem a lot of us have is we don't trust ourselves. We don't trust that we can make good decisions. We don't trust that we can do the right thing when pushed to do so. We don't think we can trust ourselves to pick ourselves up and put one foot in front of the other when things go in a direction we were not planning. So we put up with situations we shouldn't. We stay with people we should leave. We stay in jobs we should leave. We keep friends that are toxic. We confuse ourselves about what we should be doing because we are not focusing on how we are feeling. We betray ourselves instead of taking care of ourselves. We aren't listening to our intuition and following God's subtle clues.

Prime example: We all have had this relationship at least once in life and if you haven't you are truly blessed. We are with someone we love. The relationship has gone on for sometime. It doesn't necessarily have to be a bad relationship or be with a bad person but things are happening in your relationship that is not healthy for you. Rather than pull the breaks on the relationship or at least nip the situation in the bud, my common mistake, you continue on and hope for the best. Things don't change and don't get better they just get worse. Now you are at a stalemate. What should you do. Friends say leave the person. Your heart says you aren't ready to loose them. Your ego tells you to hit the road. Problem is the decision may be as simple as take a step back and give the person space to get themselves together. Take a step back to get yourself together. It could be walk or wait. Sometimes we have to go through things for awhile before we get a clear answer. There is always a lesson to be learned.

When you are in love feelings play a big role in every decision you make, in everything you do. Here's the thing. We all, if we haven't learned it already, need to know how to take all those feelings and weed them out to hear the voice. What is the voice trying to tell you? Silence everything so you can hear. Your heart is breaking and that will cloud your judgement because you don't want to feel that pain and the pain is so heavy. Learn to silence it. Your ego pokes it's head out and starts to spout anger because people around you have made you feel stupid for the decisions you have made and now your ego is bruised and pissed. Learn to silence it. Fear has settled in and is screaming about how you will never love again or you will die inside without them. Learn to silence it. All of these things may be true for you but silence it.

Now listen! Shhhhhhhh!!! Listen closely! Do you hear that? Do you feel it? That voice you hear and that feeling you feel is the truth of what should be done. Dr. Phil said once, "You know when you are done with a person when you no longer feel angry about them." I've never forgotten that. I have found myself in situations with people, not just partners but friends and colleagues also, where I have had to decide whether or not to walk away from them. I have gaged my decision on one hard and fast rule. How do I feel. One did I do all that I could do to make the situation better to stay in the relationship? Two when I sit quietly how do I feel about that person being out of my life for good? Does it feel like I'm not done with them or do I not care and feel like I could survive without them. Most importantly I check to see if I am at peace. If I'm at peace I know I'm okay. But what if you just aren't sure? Take your time and pay attention to the signs around you.

I once was in a relationship where there was a misunderstanding and the guy took something I said as if I was leaving him. He was feeling guilty about not being able to provide what he felt I needed, a man thing for sure, and became very sensitive about how he thought I was feeling. He retreated because that was how he handled things. I didn't hear from him for a short time. Not to long but enough time for him to get his head clear. In the meantime I had no idea if he was coming back. You can't control what other people do. You can only control yourself and how you handle things. I continued with my life and prepared to never see him again. That's how I handle things. I respect how people handle situations whether I agree or not because God knows I handle situations in an inappropriate manner myself at times. I'm not perfect. I try to accept everyone for who they are. It's not my job to change anybody. As the days went by I stop thinking of this person less and less throughout the day but I made sure to pray for him every night because he was still in my heart and I wanted him to be safe, happy, in a better situation and at peace. In my heart I wasn't done with him. I mourned for about a week and then laid it down. If it was meant to be it would be. A couple of weeks went by, not unusual with this person, and I suddenly started thinking about him more and more. I went from barely thinking about him to thinking about him constantly. I even had a dream where I kept seeing his name appear on my phone in a text. I could even hear the ring tone. I remember waking up wondering "What are you telling me Lord?" I believe in letting things go in the hands of the Lord. Now this dream appears and this person is on my mind more and more. The thought of not being done with him or the relationship was getting more and more frequent. Hmmmmmmmm!! I continued to put one foot in front of the other and continued living my life feeling great everyday and two days after the dream I received a text from the guy apologizing. I wasn't done with him and he wasn't done with me. Intuition!! I heard the phone and I wasn't surprised. It all became clear in that split second."

I had a job once. Just to drive this point home. Things were great for awhile and then they weren't. I worked hard through the season but the director never seemed satisfied with what I was doing. That year I worked harder than I ever had in the five years of devotion to this group. I was focused and determined to create and give great material. I began feeling uneasy about things. A number of signs began to appear. We had a competition and no one informed me that the venue had changed. We had an event and no one remembered to invite me but was calling me on the day of expecting me to be there. We had to go on a trip and they forgot to purchase a ticket for my daughter knowing that I couldn't go without her. One night during a banquet, I was having a conversation with a benefactor and they asked me was I going to be there the following year. This had never been a question before. I was feeling an uneasiness that I couldn't explain for awhile. Something was telling me the party was over. I loved this job and didn't want to loose it but deep down inside I knew the environment had turned toxic and was not healthy for me but I didn't want to leave. I went on break and prepared myself to not be asked back. I got a call to come in and choreograph for our normal Summer event. Yay! I'm working. I did the gig and it was a great run. I only had one minor disagreement with the director. Nothing to sweat about, it happens. With this director a lot. This director could be combative for strange reasons that you never saw coming. The gig went well. I was please and so was the director.

Months went by. The next event came around and no call. I felt that uneasy feeling again. In truth it had never gone away. It was just dim. Eventually, I finally got the call. The director decided to go in another director and didn't need me anymore. The director hired someone new. When I got this call, there were no nerves or uneasiness. There was only peace. I was done with it. I knew it was coming. I listened to my instincts and followed the signs. That's when you know what is right.

Life is not black or white. Everyone will not always agree with the decisions you make for yourself. Not everyone will understand. We are not all the same. We don't all think the same, behave the same or react the same. Always remember that. Trust your intuition! Don't care about how everyone else thinks or feels about what you are doing. Care only about how you feel and what you think about what you are doing.  If your original thought to yourself was, "She's a great girl." When life blows up and she is reacting to it remember that. If you originally said, "He is a wonderful man. He's one of the good ones." Continue to believe that when life smacks his ass and hurts his pride or ego. Don't allow yourself to be treated badly that isn't okay no matter what but remember that we all do things we don't mean to when we are under pressure or upset. Put things into perspective. Be supportive and speak up for yourself. Nip things in the bud from the beginning. Most of all use your intuition and stay true to yourself. We all stay in situations that don't feel good to us because we hope it will get better or out of fear. Rather than suffer for a long period of time, when it first starts feeling bad silence everything and listen for your little whisper from God telling you the right thing to do and don't ignore it. Your intuition/instincts are never wrong. Trust them! They know the right way to go.

Are you a person that believes in intuition? Do you follow it or ignore it? What situations have you dodged because you listened?

What Age is the Right Age?

So my baby girl is eight years old. About two months ago one of her breast got swollen and was sore. She complained about this once before and the doctor said it was probably a gland and normal for some kids. So this time around I thought nothing of it and decided to wait a week or two and see if it precise.

Well two weeks later, she still had it and it was hurting and we both were sick so I took her to the doctor to have it checked out and I got checked out for my own illness, sinus infection. The doctor said that it was possible that her breast were growing. That seemed odd to me, one because she is only newly eight years old and two because it was only one. The doctor told us to keep an eye on it and take her back in a month from that appointment to get reexamined. We have two more weeks to go. The doctor told me I needed to start having the conversation about development because of the possibly of her own development.

I looked at this kid a couple of days ago and she was complaining that they both hurt. Now I'm thinking, "Good God! Please tell me this kid's breast aren't growing." I don't give her process foods filled with hormones or anything to speed up the growth process. I am no where near prepared for all of this. I was planning on the age of ten.

Tonight I see my little girl sitting at the dining room table at dinner time and I got a glimpse of two nipples sitting through her shirt. WTH? OMG! My kid is growing breast!!!! It's official. I'm not ready. To top it off, hours later she is getting dressed for bed and someone said the word sex on TV. She repeated the word and I asked her what does she know about that word. She said she knew what sex was. I asked her shockingly what it was and she did this goofy kissy dance. My crazy child. I knew what she was trying to say. I asked her what was she doing. She said, "It's the nasty kind of kissing and butt touching." OMG! Help me please. Where did she get that? I asked her where did she get that from and she told me from something our former roommate was watching on TV. Looks like I don't have much of a choice now but to address the topic I had no intention of addressing until she was ten. I still think she is to young but clearly she has been exposed to the subject in more ways than one.

My curiosity is how young is to young in your opinion. When do you plan on discussing menstruation, sex, kissing and development with your young girls if you have girls younger than ten? If your girls are older when did you start feeding them that information? What about you moms and dads with boys? How have or do you plan on handling this topic?

Let's talk about it!!!!!

Modern Technology is Ruining the Dating Scene

Let me just say ahead of time that this particular post is geared more towards the ladies. It will for sure stir up a bit of controversy so be prepared. There is a comment box at the bottom. Feel free to speak your peace. Just be polite and respectful please. That's all I ask.

My longest relationship was thirteen years. I have been in the dating pool now for two years. The world of dating has changed so dramatically. Now before my thirteen year relationship I was in a six year relationship. I had a four year break between the two. I dated a little between the two but nothing really stuck. I say that to say I don't have a lot of dating experience. I have a lot of relationship experience.

In the old days, you know those days, the 80's and 90's, the way you met someone was not on the Internet but out in the world. Someone would say you could meet someone in the grocery store. I have yet to meet a man in the grocery store. Some people met in bars and clubs. I went out to bars and clubs, oh wait, most of the time when I was in a bar or club it was with my gay brother, certainly couldn't meet any men there though they all were really cute. Sometimes people just met while doing something else. That's how I met my late husband. I walked into the music store he taught Piano in and he came out and asked to assist me. I was pretty sassy with him and told him, "No!" The next thing I knew Mr. Persistent found a way to strike up a conversation. 17 years later we had been best friends for four years and was a couple for 13.

Now I'm single and in the world of online dating. At first I wanted nothing to do with it. I didn't want that to be my story. Rather I wasn't sure I wanted it to be my story. Well eventually friends talked me into it and it became my story a couple of times. This post isn't really about the relationships I've had with men I have met online. What I want to talk about is what I have learned and how I believe technology has ruining the dating scene and if women don't step up and make changes within themselves the dating scene will only get worse.

Here is what I have learned. Men have developed an enormous amount of guts. They hide behind technology and now have become these big jerks that have no respect for women and say some of the most unbelievable things and send pictures of things you can't believe. Text messages seem to be the only way men want to communicate. No one wants to go out on dates anymore. Everyone just wants to hang out. Technology has paved the way for men to hide from rejection and have made them and everyone anti-social and relationships impersonal.

Women this is our fault. We all need to step up and demand more. First of all. If you are a woman who is allowing men to speak to you in a foul way. Stop it! Take more pride and have more respect for yourself. No man should be allowed to tell you what he wants to do with you or tell you what he is going to do to you two seconds after you have met. What you do when you are in a monogamous relationship is your business, anything before that.......have some respect for yourself and don't tolerate it. No man is that cute. Trust me there are plenty of cute men out there that actually know the proper way to speak to a lady. You teach people how to treat you. Stop talking to men that don't know how to talk to you.

Second.........Knock off the text messaging. Do you want a pen pal or a partner in life? Really, we all need to make men step up to the plate. Me included! All this darn text messaging has gotten out of hand. Not only is it impersonal but it also paves the way for all kinds of misunderstandings. It also makes it really easy for men to do whatever they want without you having a clue what they are up too. It takes the same amount of time to pick up the phone as it does to text. Demand it! Women want to hear a mans voice not read his text unless it's, "I'm on my way!" or "Sorry I'm running late!" Anything other than a text like that needs to be a phone call. Let's get back to interacting with each other as oppose to our phones having a relationship with each other. Text these words the next time a man text you to have a conversation, "Call me for the answer." "Call me and we can talk about it." "Call me to communicate." We teach people how to treat us. Let's start teaching men they need to get over their fears and become more personal. Rejection is a part of life. Get over it already.

Before I leave this point let me also mention if you don't know where they live and how to find them they shouldn't know that information about you. Keep things even. It's nice that he wants to come to your house and hang with you but if you can't go to his house and hang with him be suspicious. Nothing feels worse than having someone poof disappear on you and you have no way of finding them. I'm not talking stalking. I'm talking we women get concerned. There could have been an accident. Now he's in a coma and you have no way of knowing anything about it. You can't go looking for someone you don't have basic information on. I know that's extreme but think about it. What is he hiding if you can't get basic information?

Thirdly, stop having sex so quickly. OK! Stop having sex so quickly if you are trying to find a man to fall in love with. I'm not opposed to sex. I love it like the next person but it appears to me that women are so liberal in their sexuality, I happen to think this is a great thing by the way, that it blurs the lines. If you aren't looking for a relationship have fun. I'm not judging. More power to you. However, if you are looking for a relationship wait. Take your time. Nothing sucks worse, I've been told, than to wake up next to someone and wonder what did you do or what do I do next. I've never had a one night stand or anything of that nature so I can only go by what I've been told on that particular feeling. I was to much of a rule follower when I was young enough to do what most young adults do. I didn't allow myself to color outside of the lines when I was younger. If you are looking for a relationship give yourself time to know if you really like the man and really want to have sex with him. You have to spend a considerable amount of time with him in order to know that for sure.

Finally, stop hanging out! Hanging out is all fine and good but the problem is men have stop taking women out on dates. Men have stop courting women. I'm a single mom. Dating is hard to do when I don't always have babysitters but I want to be taken out on a date. I want to get to know you and spend time with you in a dating fashion. It doesn't have to be all of the time but it needs to happen a good portion of the time.

Ladies remember, in order to know if the man you are with is going to work for you in a relationship, you need to live together. Now I'm not saying share a home together. I mean live in each others lives together. You need to spend time together in different environments. There is a whole world outside of the iPhone. Strange I know but it's true.

Women you deserve more. Demand more for your life. Nothing is happening to you, everything is happening for you. If someone has left your life. Don't chase them down. God very well may have taken them away to protect you. If they are meant to be in your life they will be. Trust yourself! Trust that you can make good decision. Trust that if things don't go your way you can dust yourself off get back up and ride the horse. Life is a journey. Live it. There will be good days and bad but you will survive them all. Enjoy each day no matter what it brings. Be thankful for the lessons bad times teach. Most of all know that you are enough and never ever settle. Trust that God has the right person out there for you. We all need to stop putting up with the crap. Nip crap in the bud the first time ladies. Don't be worried about what if I loose him. If you loose a man in the beginning because you checked him when he did something you didn't appreciate he most definitely wasn't the man for you. A real man will take the note and apologize. Period! No one is perfect. It's not what you do but how you handle the situation that counts. Bright side! If he leaves in the beginning your heart is fine. You found out immediately that he wasn't the right one. Think of all the time and headache you just saved yourself by nipping an issue in the bud from the beginning.

Be strong women! Be confident! Be trusting of yourself! Most of all..............Be respectful of yourself! Learn to love yourself completely. It is when you reach complete love for yourself that you will no longer except anything less than a man that loves you the way you deserve to be loved.

Let's stop the none sense!

Before I go let me just say that I don't believe that every man on the planet is this way. There are plenty of good men out there. The problem is most women aren't finding them because they are so busy catering to the knuckle heads or not loving themselves enough to know their worth. A man will do what you allow him to do. Period! Good man, bad man it doesn't matter. They will do what you let them so stop letting them miss treat you.

Tell me how you feel about this. Do you have anything to add? Did I miss any good points? Let's talk about it.

The Ridiculousness of Commercials

I was going to post today and write about a  subject filled with controversy to make you all think and some of you would probably get heated. You know how I love to stir the pot and shake things up. However, I'm watching The Bachelor right now and these commercials are hilarious and stupid.

The one that prompted this post was the Oscar Meyer Turkey commercial. A family is sitting and eating sandwiches. Someone says, "It's just like Thanksgiving" and the mom says, "Just like Thanksgiving but not." Then they proceed to go through a series of flashbacks. One flashback the husband makes the wife drop the turkey on the floor. The husband cries out, "5 second rule!" He quickly picks up the turkey, tosses it towards the table and it slides right on the floor. I was dying when I saw that. It was so darn funny.

Some commercials are just to darn funny for words. Tell me what are your favorite commercials? Do you even pay attention to the commercials? Do you think that advertisers have to be more creative now that we are in the day of DVRs? If you were going to create a commercial what product would it be for and what would the commercial look like?

Talk to me! I would love to hear your thoughts.

Good People in the World

So I have a question. Do you feel there are more nice helpful people in the world or bad selfish people in the world? Growing up the way I did being a child of molestation, bullying and a verbally/emotionally abusive family life I would have probably said years ago, there are more bad selfish people in the world than good people. Our reality is what we live.

Our perception of what is reality and what isn't all depends on our own experiences. Abusers are often products of abuse. Why is that? Because that is all they know. You have to be a strong intelligent person to see through that and work super hard to not become that yourself. My mother yelled a lot. Yelling and being loud is in my DNA as they say. I have to fight often through my frustrations of people and life to not start yelling. It's hard work but I'm a strong intelligent woman who knows that yelling is not the way to go.

I have encountered many evil people in my day. I could do months of blog post about all the different inappropriate, insane, heartless, unbelievable people out there in the world. I'm sure as time goes by I will introduce you to some of them but what I am beginning to learn about the world is: when you make an effort to see the world through different eyes your perception changes.

I just recently went through a few months of hardship. Moving unexpectedly. Money disappeared before my eyes. Disappointments in some of the closet people around me. I found myself feeling very deserted and alone. I had no idea how I was going to get through those days and the situations that arouse.

We were moving and I had no help with moving a big chunk of our belongings. I didn't know where I was going to get the money for moving cost. I needed the money for the deposit to move into our one bedroom apartment. We needed a place to stay for a week while they were getting our apartment ready and our car needed a battery, oil change and new brakes.

I dug in my heels and decided the only way I was going to get through the situation was by walking in faith. So I put one foot in front of the other and dug deep. After all I had a seven year old daughter to take care of. The most amazing thing happened. Our situation landed in just the right peoples ears and blessings came our way quick and easily. Our deposit for our apartment was gifted. Our refrigerator was partially gifted to us. My bank teller gifted her families time to me, more than once, to move our stuff from our old house to the storage unit, and what ever we needed for our apartment from the storage to the apartment. Our car still isn't fixed but inevitably I find someone that is willing to step up and give us a jump every time our car won't start, which is pretty much everyday that we go out. Thankfully, the car will be repaired soon, which is also a gift.

Just when I thought that the kindness of others couldn't get any better, I met a woman from Boston during my first master's class. We began to talk about business and what we both do for a living. Business Administration focusing on Entrepreneurship is my major. In talking we realized we had a kinship with each other and now she is helping me start a new business to help me move forward in my quest to take care of my daughter better.

There was once a time I would say there are more bad people in the world than good but now I think differently. What do you think? What are your experiences with good and bad people. Do you have some great examples of strangers coming out to help you when you least expected it? What are your stories of woo? Do you have more stories of bad people than good? Let's talk about it!

Complete Yourself

I may only be 42 years old but I have lived a very long life. I have experienced more things than I can count that have shaped me into who I have been and now I'm spending a great amount of time reshaping myself into who I was meant to become.

Sadly, the many negative experiences in my life have turned me into a not so trusting woman. Funny thing is what I have learned is it wasn't people in my life that I didn't trust. It was myself I didn't trust. I didn't trust that people were who I thought they were. I got caught up in their actions not realizing that some actions have nothing to do with me. Everything is not black and white. Once I had no self esteem. I worked through that in my twenties and found it in my thirties. Then I realized at 35 that every decision I made was based on my ever present search for love. When this revelation came to light I looked around and found that I had love all around me. Now I'm in my forties and the real work has begun. I've noticed that my relationship with my mother and family and the former loves in my life created things in me that cause me to constantly feel like every time someone does something it's in an effort to hurt me. I've learned that nine times out of ten the actions of others though it may effect me, has absolutely nothing to do with me. It's their way of dealing with their own issues and I just so happen to be in their lives and sometimes caught in the middle. That is to say that the good people in my life aren't out to get me. There have been plenty who were but those were bad people and bad people have problems that none of us can fix. Those types of people you need to just excuse them from your life and pray for them.

There are plenty of us out there that want to meet some special person and fall in love but for some reason can't seem to get it going. Here's what I have learned. Love yourself! Complete yourself! Like yourself! Enjoy yourself!

If you love yourself truly you will never settle for anything less than what you are worth. No one should complete you but you. You should always be all that you need. We live and die with one person and one person only.......ourselves. Let that be enough for you and you will find that you will gain much more than the love you seek from others. It isn't just enough to love yourself, you really need to like yourself. Like yourself through and through. You need to like the person that you are and if you don't, do what it takes to become not only the person you can like but you can be proud of. Most of all, enjoy yourself. Find every way possible to enjoy yourself everyday. Find joy in everyday of your life. Life will always have it's ups and downs but even during the downs, know that nothing is happening to you, it is happening for you.

The best way to find the love you are trying to seek is stop looking. Yes I know easier said than done but I've heard it time and time again. Most people find the love of their lives when they stop looking for them. Live your life. Have fun. Focus on you and know and trust that when the time is right, that special person will come. Put yourself out there. Go out on dates. Find fun things to do. Spend time with friends. Enjoy your life. Become within yourself the type of person you want to be with. If you want to be with a successful person then focus on your own success. You will attract to you the type of person you are. So if you aren't doing so great in life you might want to rethink your search and start concentrating on yourself so that you attract the right person in your life.

Remember these simple rule of thumb: Every person you date and have a relationship is simply a place holder. They are holding the place of the person that is meant to be your one. Keep this in mind every time you experience a break up. It will help you get through it better. Your ultimate goal is to find the one person that will give you butterflies for the rest of your life.

Be your best date. Enjoy your own company. People laugh at me every time I say I'm my best date but it's true. I enjoy my company. We like the same things. We don't fight and we have a blast together.

Remember your I Am's: I am fabulous. I am grateful. I am worthy of love and respect. I am love. I am successful. I am filled with abundance in my life.

You have to walk the walk. Talk is cheap people and it's very dangerous. Don't allow yourself or anyone around you to speak negativity in the universe about you. Negativity even if it is reality breeds more negativity. I was watching a reality TV show earlier today. The main characters were getting married. When they said their vows the bride opted out of saying "For Richer or Poorer" and said instead, "For Richer and Richer." I thought to myself in that moment, "I don't blame her. Why speak negativity into your future?" That is the type of thinking you need to adopt. Nothing but what you want should come from your lips. If you feel like crap when someone ask, "How are you feeling?" Say you are feeling great. You may not feel great but if you continue to talk about how crappy you feel you will feel nothing but crappiness. Mind over matter. Law of attraction. Whatever you choose to call it. Speak only the positive things you want out of your life and everyday find a reason to smile. Find your zen and do whatever it takes to keep it. As Joel Osteen would say, "When you are in peace, you are in a position of power." That's where the true blessings of life appear. Right smack in the middle of your peace.

Could You Survive the Apocalypse?

We just recently downsided into a one bedroom apartment. Our previous resident was a two story 3 bedroom house with a nice size garage and a laundry room. Most of our belongings are in two storage units because clearly the one bedroom is much to small for everything we own. 

In moving into this apartment I had to find a space for all of our necessary kitchen appliances; the rice cooker, breadmaker, blender, coffee machine etc. The one thing we are lacking is a microwave. The microwave died many years ago and was never replaced. Well, in looking in our kitchen after creatively finding space for everything we need including our food we have no space for a microwave. So we have to go back to the 70's before microwaves existed to reheat our food. 

We also have no room for our washer and dryer and there isn't one here in the complex. So we must go to a laundrymat like countless others, but wait, money is really tight so we don't have money to go to the laundrymat. If you haven't been to a laundrymat in awhile, I can tell you that the laundrymat can cost you a fortune to wash and dry your clothes. So we must go back to the age before washers and dryers existed and use our bathtub and shower rod to do laundry. This got me to thinking. If the world was coming to an end and the zombies roamed the earth could you survive the day to day without the modern conveniences of our world? For that matter could your kids?

If you were raised in the 70's you probably would do OK, provided your parents taught you how to take care of yourself. I started cooking when I was seven. I don't remember how old I was when I started doing laundry but nonetheless I was taught how to wash my clothes by hand and hang them out to dry. I learned how to warm my food up on the stove because there were no microwaves back then. We barely had internet and home computers so occupying your time took more than just watching television or doing social networking. How would you fair or your kids fair if all these things were no longer at your disposal?

I have decided while I am here in a position of having to live a small part of my life at the moment back in the seventies, I will begin to teach my daughter how to survive without the modern conveniences. I think it would be good for her to know common survival. She may never need to warm up her food on the stove instead of a microwave or wash her clothes in the bath tub, but if I teach her how to do so, if she needs to, she will know how to handle herself. If she never needs it she will at least be in a position of appreciation for not having to live her life that way. 

Though she has a DS and we have internet on our televisions, iPad and computer, I will still be requiring her to read a real book and not just a book on the iPad. We will still walk into Barnes & Noble and buy actual books. We will play board games and make our own bread, tortillas and soap. Point is, we need to all make sure that though we rely on such conveniences we should prepare for a possible life without them. What would we ever do without our smartphones? These things are great to have but are we preparing our kids to live without? I wonder! There is a book on this very subject. I haven't read this book yet but I thought I would mention it just in case any of you were interested. The book is called: Back to Basics: Raising Self-Sufficient Children by Barbara Frank. You can pick it up on Amazon or download it from Amazon's Kindle section. I have it in my queue and just haven't had time to download it yet.